If you are currently in a troubled marriage, you may have typed the term “divorce” into your internet browser recently. If so, you are not alone. According to media outlets like the New York Times [1] and the London Evening Standard [2], search terms such as “how do I get divorced” peak and trend at various points throughout the year. It is no surprise that early January, or the first Monday back to work in January to be exact, is one of the most popular days to search for answers about the legalities and formalities of getting divorced. Another time this term peaks is March. Most experts surmise that by March, people have gathered their information and made their decisions on whether or not to begin a divorce proceeding.
As a life coach who specializes in helping people navigate major life transitions, I often encounter people in the depths of despair. Maybe the couple has just experienced an infidelity or perhaps the kids have finally left home and they are now experiencing the full discord of their rocky marriage, or, maybe one partner has prioritized his or her career over the needs of their spouse. Whatever the reason, people reach out to professionals, like me, in these trying times. Most people navigating a negative life change like divorce, separation, or the ending of a life-partnership need support, guidance, and clarity during this very tumultuous time.
I approach helping my clients through this by helping them build a roadmap of where they have been and where they are going. I also assist my clients in acknowledging and accepting that the future will be different than the past. That’s not good or bad; it just is.
As a certified Seasons of Change Coach, I use the analogy of four seasons to help guide my clients through this change. Everyone knows that the season of summer feels abundant, bright, and hopeful. And many people have experienced the despair, pain, and darkness of a long, cold winter. Most often, however, I encounter people in the season of fall. Fall is when things begin to change.
It’s possible you have planning your separation for a long time and you are entering into this change with open eyes and a carefully planned approach. But for many people, the talk of divorce comes in with an element of surprise and savagery about it. Although you knew your marriage was troubled, you thought you could work it out. But no number of weekends away together or time huddled around your computer avoiding conversation with your spouse could help. You are here, in this very dark and scary new territory, contemplating yourself as a single working mother or a weekend dad without a plan of how to move forward. You are stuck. This was not part of your life plan.
I hear you and I understand the grief, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, and panic that comes along with this major life transition. Asking for help from friends, family, and a professional are imperative at this time. Divorce is extremely draining- it drains your energy, your time, your joy, and your finances. It is a daunting task to undertake emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. Not to mention the impact it makes on your children and your pets. You barely have the energy to brush your teeth, let alone help your kids with their math homework or take your dog for a walk.
As your coach, I will guide you through the process and keep you motivated, centered, and calm when the waters become rocky. I will also help you live a value-aligned, purposeful life as you transition and transform into this next phase of life. I will teach you how to navigate the transition from fall to winter, winter to spring, and spring to summer. Navigating each season fully and in proper order is essential to creating healthy, sustainable change in your life. As much as we would love to move from fall to spring without ever experiencing the blustery cold winds, dark nights, and black ice of winter, we simply cannot. We must journey through each season of our life just as we travel the seasons outside. Preparation, understanding, and acceptance of each season and its purpose is key to coming into the full beauty of summer that awaits you.
Are you curious about coaching? Would you like to know more about my approach? Feel free to set-up a free consultation by clicking here. In this call we will discover if we are good fit for each other. Let’s talk!
One final note. Divorce is really difficult. If you are suffering from depression, anxiety or some other significant mental illness due to this event, it’s understandable. Please reach out to a professional mental health counselor or psychotherapist to get the support you need. You can conect to someone in your area by using Psychology Today. You can also also access the Suicide Prevention Hotline or Crisis Text Line 24/7 from the USA.
Carrie Mead, MS is a Professional Life Coach, Psychotherapist, and Reiki practitioner based in Maryland. Carrie created Curiosity Life Coaching to help men and women successfully navigate major life transitions such as retirement, divorce, career changes, and loss. Carrie provides guidance, support, and empowering exercises to help her clients redefine and enact on their life’s mission following a major life transition. Connecting authentically and compassionately forms the basis of all of Carrie’s personal and professional relationships. Carrie holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling from McDaniel College and a Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science from Gettysburg College. Learn more by visiting www.curiositylifecoaching.com
[1] https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/04/style/january-divorce-month.html
[2] https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/divorce-day-2020-january-split-relationship-marriage-a4327181.html
